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Couch, heavily used, kinda boring (South Minneapolis)

September 22, 2009

I like that this guy probably spent 15 minutes writing about a couch from his past that he is trying to get rid of. I wish this was the way I spent my time. If I needed an ugly oversized couch I would be quick to stuff this couch into my Honda Fit Read below:

I pulled this couch out of my basement Odeon where it had been sitting, un-sat-upon, for several years. Before that it was in my living room when I lived in a nice, yet inexpensive apartment across the Street from the Uptown Pizza Luce (I was forced to move when the building was sold and the new owner raised everyones’ rent a ridiculous amount – but that’s not important right now). Some years before that it was part of a sectional in my parents’ basement (this was of course, back before they were divorced – which must have been around 1995, give or a take a year – but that’s also not important right now).

The important thing is that I no longer have the need or the space for this couch. Therefore, it is available to any scavenger or self-proclaimed treasure hunter who cares to cart it away. It’s not a hide-a-bed (those things are murder!) so it doesn’t weight half a ton. It is, however, a “team-lift” item. If I’m home I’ll happy help you stuff it into the back of your VW Golf. Otherwise you should plan on bringing a compatriot. They don’t have to be a professional weight-lifter, but your twelve-year-old nephew probably isn’t going to have the muscle to get the job done.

Anyway, it’s not a very good couch. Did I mention that? Well, it’s dry – it hasn’t been rained on. I’ve probably spilled a bunch of things on it over the years but I always try to clean up my messes. The springs and mattresses aren’t in very good shape. And some of the structural 1x2s in the back are sticking out at slightly askew angles.

But don’t let that stop you. This couch has lots of potential uses. You could put it in your garage and store some tools on it. You could let your pet wolverine tear into it and make a nest. You could attach it to a crane and have a really great view of your neighborhood. You could put it in your backyard, light it on fire and… wait, no. That’s a terrible idea. Don’t set couches on fire. They let off lots of unpleasant fumes.

Double anyway, it’s in the driveway behind my house at 3945 Pleasant Ave. I’ll remove this posting in the unlikely event that it disappears.
Semper Fi!

The Culprit

The Culprit

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One Comment leave one →
  1. December 20, 2009 1:33 am

    I get the sense the author of that ad is an intelligent rascal who plays by his own rules. Half geek, half hippie, 110% Chinese…probably a self-styled leader of misfits in a virtual world of his own design — a world now short one dry, (possibly) stained but still potentially useful couch.

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